i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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