Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
