I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
are you so shy because you have an std?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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