I could have mohawked her pubes.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
