I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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