wat bout pragnant strippers??
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
