SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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