allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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