Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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