Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
