I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
