her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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