R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
