Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
