My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
