The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
