i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize