So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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