About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
