Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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