Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
