I'm sorry my penis didn't work
well I can't set my house on fire every night
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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