Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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