when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize
