um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
birth control should be required to get into college
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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