I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
