I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
