That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
