I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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