If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize