I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize