This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
