he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
