when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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