dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
