I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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