I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
