In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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