i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
