Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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