A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
