the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
