Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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