Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
