he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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