new low.... made out with someone while peeing
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
