there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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