I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
