There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
