If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
