Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
