I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i think my mom watched the whole time
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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