drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
