no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
