something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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