they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
