I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
