Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Rumble strips road head = magical
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
