Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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