glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
