Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
