Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
