you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
