Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize