Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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