he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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