Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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