i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
