So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
