Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
it's like iHOP with fire
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
