i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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